i’m sad to say i’m no longer a biscuit person.

A fond childhood memory is mom awarding me with bags of yummy M&S cheese triangles when i patiently studied with her. Still love them, but i’m finding the dryness of biscuits too much for my mouth. i guess i’ll have to keep looking for some really good ones.

Lately my brain has been so active when I sleep I don’t think I’m getting enough quality sleep:(

In one of the episodes, I went to a huge mansion somewhere in the UK to live with a family temporarily. Having my camera with me, even in my dream I worked very hard to frame the person I was shooting before some gorgeous doors. I think I didn’t nail the shot…

I have this feeling that this mansion really exists. I still remember the details of the place, so I’ll know if I ever come across anything similar! As usual, I’m mixing dream & reality together:)

i have always know my mental health is super high maintenance, but other than discovering my conditions and sometimes over analyzing them, i don’t think i have tried really hard to improve my mental health.

But i’m glad i’m consciously working on it now. That is, i try to keep my negative emotions from lingering too long, and i’m not letting myself to be hurt so easily (be it by my self depreciation or by other people’s un/intentional remarks). etc etc etc.

i am trying, and very hard too.

Just want to put this on record.

Bro said he found a tube of wasabi in a kitchen drawer. It expired in 1994 - 17 long years ago. I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s so ridiculous yet so typical of the Poon’s household.

Then i remembered 1994. Not only Mom would still be around, Grandma would too. In fact it was the year she died, the first death I experienced. Other deaths followed, that of real people I know.

I was suddenly drawn into the family life before and after Grandma’s death. <my minds skipped> Somehow I think the wasabi tube must belong to the days of before…

我在想：上年的這一天，沒有人記得，沒有人在乎，我很生氣。

今年，不要緊。自己記得就好。

希望不用再聽到別人說誰和誰更慘，任何人失去的至親都是無可替代的！這個人可是全世界最疼我、我個人宇宙裡最重要的人！

現在只能用一輩子的思念報答她這些年來為我的操心。

（當然亦要好好地活）

這一天留給自己，留給媽。好好把平時埋藏在心底的回憶想一遍。

（果然是 day off 的好藉口!）

早上起床時在床上哭了一遍，還掙扎要不要取消行程躲在家中工作算了。和爸、哥談了一會，大家都比平時多話多笑。用excess的笑去掩飾內心的難過，我想，這是我們僅有的默契。

最終中午出門了（因肚餓但不想做飯）。去了比較喜歡的cafe慢慢地大吃一頓（當然還有甜品!）再慢慢地看了兩個非常出色的攝影展。去唐人街買湯圓沒有買成（可疑的國內品牌！）

打開家門時花香撲鼻！是前天買給母親的紫色hyacinth 開了，也當是年花吧。

今天就這樣，希望新的一年快快樂樂！